Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
