She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Randomize
