My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
