I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
