i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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