when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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