I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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