Umm I'm too high to move.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
