I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
