i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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