I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
