UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
