you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I made him laugh his dick is mine
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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