Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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