he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
