Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
