allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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