i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
These tits shall not be calmed
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
