I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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