She said her name was "party"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
