He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
