I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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