I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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