Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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