I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
