Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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