Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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