She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
