how can u be prego again
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
