I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
