Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can I color on your dick again?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
