didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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