the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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