yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
