yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
