I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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