I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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