Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i think i have two assholes
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My feet surprised me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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