So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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