I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
