I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
