someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
