you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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