so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
