Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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