kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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