Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
