A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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