i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
