I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
my poor anus
I need to sanitize my soul.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
