she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
