Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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