Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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